Written by J.Michael Straczyncski with overpowering plot control by Joe Quesada

Art by Joe Quesada

Review by Ryan Stevens

*Reader Be Warned. Here There Be Spoilers*

    When I decided to write this review, I knew I was going to be angry.  I knew very few kind words would fall from my lips. And if at any time, should it appear that pure rage has impaired my judgment and I become too hostile in my review, I apologize in advance.

This issue is the conclusion the four-part story entitled “One More Day”, in which Peter Parker, your friendly neighborhood Spider-man, tries desperately to save his comatose Aunt May from taking the big dirt-nap, no matter what the price. In part one, Peter set out to find someone to save Aunt May. In part two, Peter seemed to come to the conclusion that all was lost, before meeting a girl who claimed she could help him. In part three, the little girl was revealed to be Mephisto, the Marvel Comics equivalent of the devil himself, who would save Peter’s aunt in exchange for the chance to rewrite reality so that Peter Parker never married his wife, Mary Jane Watson. Now, here we are, at the grand (?) finale of this “nail-biting”, “suspenseful”, and “engrossing” “saga”. (Please note sarcasm.) In this issue, Peter and Mary Jane make a “shocking” decision to determine the fate of Aunt May. Then, after the deal with Mephisto goes down, Peter goes to a party to meet a previously deceased friend who apparently isn’t dead anymore, with no explanation given. Oh, and the webshooters are back.(Eliminate due to repetiveness said again at end)   Now, let’s be honest. This story did not need to be told. It was just the whim of Editor-in-chief, artist, and co-writer (by co-writer, I mean slave driver who demands the story goes his way) Joe Quesada. Joe has hated the spider-marriage since his first day as EiC, and has made no effort to keep his morbid obsession a secret. In fact, when told that Stan Lee, the creator of Spider-man, had always wanted Spider-man to be married, Quesada actually had the gall to state that “Stan was wrong.” Shameful. Anyone with half the brain of a paramecium can tell that Joe Quesada  wanted this story (if you can it that) to happen, and no one else could stop him, because he’s Editor In Chief, and his word is law.

And another thing: It took four--count ‘em, FOUR-- issues to get to the final plot of the freakin’ story. This story could have easily been wrapped up into a single issue, so instead of wasting 16 dollars on this crap-fest, I would only lose four. While we’re on the topic of money, let’s look at how much each issue of the arc has cost. All four have cost $3.99, a full dollar more than an average comic book. Why? Because after the main “story”, we are treated to amazingly useless extras like 8-page profiles on one of the story’s characters (OOH), and pointless reprints of old stories (AAH) that no longer exist due to the continuity bomb that was dropped on the Marvel U this issue. As you can tell, comic fans everywhere have clearly been scammed. I want my money back.
This “story”  was the final story to be written by long-time Spider-writer J. Michael Straczyncski and was supposed to be some sort of memorable swan song for him. As you may have realized, I did not enjoy this issue. In fact, I consider it an abomination, an atrocity, perhaps even a crime against God. But I do not blame Mr. Straczyncski. Indeed, the blame is all rightfully Joe Quesada’s. I don’t think JMS wanted this story, as he once stated he requested his name be removed from the credits for this issue. How COULD he have wanted to write this story, when it cosmically re-writes reality so that all of his stories about Spider-man apparently NEVER HAPPENED? Why would JMS willingly wipe out 20 years worth of Spidey history, and no doubt cosmically screw up the continuity of the ENTIRE MARVEL UNIVERSE?!? I do not think he did. In fact, considering the evidence laid before me, I have reason to believe that this very story is the REASON JMS WANTED TO QUIT WRITING SPIDER-MAN. He was apparently forced to pen this slap in the face to comic fans, and wanted to get the heck out of dodge because JMS, unlike Quesada, knew how fans would feel about it. I do not blame him for this. I actually feel sorry for the guy. Forced to erase his entire run on the title from the record books, the poor guy.

Calm down, Ryan, calm down. There must have been some good, right? Well, the art, also by Joephisto (as many fans call him now), is very good. Mephisto is very devilish, demonic, and all the things that would definitely make you NEVER WANT TO MAKE A DEAL WITH HIM. Ahem. The people look very realistic and serious, even if their actions are as two-dimensional as a cardboard cut-out.

Now, in case you haven’t read the story, I’m going to spoil it for you, because you shouldn’t waste your money on it. If you want to flush $3.99 down the toilet, then quit reading now. For everyone else, know this: Peter and MJ agree with Mephisto, so now, Peter and Mary Jane NEVER GOT MARRIED, PETER NEVER UNMASKED, and AUNT MAY IS HAPPY AND HEALTHY AGAIN. Oh, and Harry Osborn is alive and Peter has web-shooters again. I can’t explain why. 

Never before have I contemplated sticking my tongue up a monkey’s rectum in order to wash away the bad taste left in my mouth by a comic book story. This issue, and “One More Day” in general, has been nothing but Joe Quesada carrying out his twisted crusade against the spider-marriage that he has harbored in his cold and self-serving heart since his first day as Editor in Chief. We as fans have been insulted and told to just forget that the past twenty years of spider-man stories ever happened. Which raises the question: What DID happen? Did Spider-man’s lack of unmasking change the outcome of Civil War? Did any guest-appearances Spidey made in the past twenty not happen either? How does this affect the Marvel U as a whole? All good questions, though I fear we will never get any answers.

0 stars out of 10.

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